A LETTER TO MY FATHER

 Dear dad,

It has been 12yrs since i lost you and according to google those are 144 months of missing you. Your death changed everything and all this time nothing has really changed . In my mind you will always be alive and i still wake in the morning wishing all this was a nightmare and you're not really gone.

My mama once told me that we grieve for ourselves because the deceased are in a better place . As a young woman , i know this is true because i miss you every single day . When you fell sick i watched you endure a terrible pain and i so prayed to God to heal you , and am so hurt to date i never got a chance to say goodbye. When i heard the terrible news of your demise i was so angry with life ,you weren't supposed to end like that , you weren't supposed to die unable to eat. For my entire childhood life you were always their , it was 11 yrs of being a daddy's girl ,11 yrs of feeling protected , 11yrs of unconditional love and 11yrs of you  holding my hand. 

The worst part about your demise was watching mom grieve ,this broke my heart. I saw mom cry for you countless time and i prayed for her even more . I watched mom selflessly care for you throughout your marriage ,but with more extra care when you fell sick. As you health began to fail mom was the one breathing life into you each day , how she slept late in your hospital bed to waking up early to see if you needed anything . You couldn't speak but i will never forget how your eyes rolled with joy when we all came to see you. You and mom showed me what true love looks like that nor matter what you were still their for each other until the end.  Am proud to tell you that mom raised a strong woman.

Even in death i know you are guiding me through life , you're fighting spirit still lives in me daddy. I miss you today than i did 12 yrs ago because it has been 144 months of not hearing your voice, hear you laugh, you encouraging me but i know you're still holding my hand in heaven. Their is so much of you in me that people are still reminded of you, mom is always telling me that i have your eyes and heart and mostly your sense of humor. You loved people greatly and mom tells me what a great man you were and as i can remember you were not only my father but also my bestfriend , my cheerleader , my first love . From teaching me how to walk , to throw a ball but most importantly how to stand on my own . 

Soon am graduating and wondering how i can possibly survive my graduation day without you by my side , smiling and laughing . I would give up anything to just hear you say you're proud of me. Even though i can no longer hear your voice , i can feel your love. LOVE NEVER DIES , IT SIMPLY EVOLVES AND I STILL LOVE YOU EVEN IN DEATH .

Daddy's girl,

Makena.